October 5, 2014

rewriting history

Trust yourself; you know more than you think you do.
Benjamin Spock

Over the years and there are many now, 70, I have had disappointment.
Kenny two feather says if we have expectations we shall be disappointed.
Well some of these I did not really have expectations
I might have preferred a different outcome if I were voting. Best that I did not get that vote.
How I could have screwed that up!

I truly believe we receive what we need.
Having said that if I were to rewrite history ~

I would have liked my mother to be with us rather than be unhappy with the whatever
that made her disappear from her life and ours.

I would have preferred a huggy warm family.
I would have liked to have had a cat when I was a child.

I would like to have been heard occasionally, not just seen.
Took me forever to find my voice for I had learned well that
Children should be seen, 
 not heard.
No one told me when this ended.

I would have loved to know my family's background,
how did they meet, fall in love, why they moved, what terrible or good things made them who they were.
I wish I had met/knew all my grandparents, not just one.

I would have preferred some input and help on what I was doing well or not.

I would have have liked not to have taken romantic novels so much to heart.

I would have preferred to have had friends stick, rather than disappear/

I would not have gone from my father's house to my husband's.
A year to travel, to work, to be on my own, is what I would recommend to all young people
Figure out who you are, then bring in another.
When you marry, think 40 years ahead not 40 days or 4 years.
You and they will be very different people in 40 years.

I spent too many years worrying about what I wanted to be when I grew up,
I still haven't totally gotten it under control.  I am closer,
What I know is that the college years and diploma that I did not get, was not a loss.
Instead I got real experience and learning
from many companies training me, many people who allowed me to apprentice with them
which was much richer and worthwhile
 than the stuff college felt I needed to have a degree.

I am hard.  Because of this I have pissed off family, loved ones and friends
and some have moved away from me
if I were not me, this hard person,
my life would be different, and not as it should be. I would probably not be here, now writing this.

So while life has had its disappointments,
I am not even slightly sad, or upset that is has gone as it has.

My life has been blessed beyond believe
I am incredibly,