June 28, 2015


I was told by an Elder 
that I was not put here to save the world,
 however, he did not mention my reason for being here.

I have a problem.  If  
 someone comes to me, crying, hurt, bleeding ~
physically, emotionally, spiritually or financially,
 I have a knee jerk response
 to get my bandaids.  

Kind words, gauze, money, advice are there immediately.  I fix!

People don't have to ask  
and there I am, full of compassion,
 in their face, saving them.  

Last sentence 
People don't have to ask 
is perhaps a key.  

Often I rush in with the best of intentions,
but unasked.  

Person did not want help. 
What they needed was me to listen, 
support in a quiet way 
leaving the bandaids in the closet.

If someone asks for advice, or band aids or money
that is a different animal.

This is a huge lesson for me
for I jump in unasked to help family, neighbors, friends, strangers.
AND often I step on toes in such a big way.

This is an ongoing problem/lesson of mine
and hopefully some day I will "get it"

Till then
 if you are hurt, crying, bleeding in my space, please stand back
you may get help that you didn't necessarily want.

June 20, 2015

right now in the fields

I still don't know what this is the top one. 
 It looks like a small shrub and grows profusely in my fields. 
 If I got serious I could find it, 
but I have been lazy.

 Pale Corydalis or Rock Harlequin, related to bleeding heart
 and grows where places have been logged. 
Flowers from June to Aug and is uncommon.
 It is so delicate looking.

June 18, 2015

hard to understand

Why does a young white man sit with good people and then kill  them, 9 innocent people in a church?

Why does our governor and other politicians dislike so many needy people?

Why do politicians who are educated at the finest universities in this country 
open their mouths and spew trash?  

What happened to love, do unto others and our morals?

What is causing the breakdown of civilisation? 

What can I do to stop it?

My heart hurts because I see this and I am buffaloed. is this a slow growing social fungus?
or is it like Ebola wildly spreading nasty disease that will take out the world if not stopped?

What is bothersome is that we can jump up and down and want change and yet we can not made it happen.  guns, hatred, greed, insanity I get that, but I cannot for the life of me change guns hatred, greed, insanity.  

Any help here I would sure appreciate for I am feeling lost.

June 17, 2015

fb and all it entails

I use facebook and almost daily I said to myself I am going to stop.  
Then there will be something worthwhile 
and I pause and don't close my account.  
Most of the time the something worthwhile is not a posting by a friend, 
but some site I am following.  
Now friends post pictures and post some worthwhile things occasionally,
but overall not.
I try to post what is happening in the yard and my life and
my friends probably yawn and move on to exciting pictures.

If it were terrible I would be out of FB,

but it is just good enough to keep me checkin.

This is NOT why I keep checking.

June 13, 2015

60,000 miles

When your car gets older, you have it tuned and parts replaced. 
 New belts, new brakes,
 How simple! and if big bads happen you get new transmission or engine.  
Well my body is at that stage, but bodies don't get new this or that generally unless something is truly broken ~ heart valve, new knee.  
Our cars get better maintenance than we, 
but then again we take better care of them than us.... 
little light goes on and we stop at the car doctor for a look see and care.  
We use good gas in our car, good oil and filters while our own diet often lacks.  
Donuts come to mind.  
We cheat on us,
 but we would we dream of the equivalent of a donut for our car.  

One wonders why this expensive machine
 that moves us from here to there
 rates better treatment than the machine that is us? 
After all the machine that is us has to last lots of years and
 we can buy a new something to move us around.

 What value do we put on us?  

Should we have paid more attention to our maintenance check ups, 
used better fuel, paid more for parts over the years?

Right now my body is doing unhappy, painful stuff from my ankles up. 
Now I immediately jump in and think diet 
and start being religious about food 
about which I had been very casual.  

But the long and short of it might be that my thyroid reacting with its drugs 
~ not working well together. 
 The tests numbers indicate that T4 isn't making T3 as it should 
and this is making me tired, cold/hot/not sleeping/sleeping too much, 
joints hurting and on and on.  
Thyroid is beaucoup important and when it is wacko
 many parts of me to do not run well. 

 New drug has been added which might or might not improve 
the running of this most important part of the function me. 

 In the meantime, I have no get up and go
 and I hurt here and there, and I really dislike not having a functional body. 
 In searching online I find I am one of many,
 and my problems are tiny compared to most
 so I am thankful for the me that I am.

As if that were not enough, a rash on my boob which I thought might be a tick reaction
so blood work done.  Rash is finally after 10 days slightly better and
test seems to be negative.
Was hoping for a simple fix to my many complaints, but tick doesn't seem to be it.

Falling apart here.  It is that aging thing. 
Parts not as efficient as they used to be.
and all though I do try
it is a little late to do preventive maintenance.


...there are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths.
Mark Nepo


“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: 

"What! You too?
 I thought that no one but myself . . ."” 

― C.S. Lewis

“Promise me you'll always remember:
 You're braver than you believe, 
and stronger than you seem, 
and smarter than you think.” 

“You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting
 for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” 

The friend who holds your hand 
and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff 
than the one who stays away. 

~Barbara Kingsolver

June 11, 2015

to garden or not to garden

A plot of ground where plants are cultivated
To garden- to work in said plot.

 I have gardens, a vegetable/herb garden,
 and a shade garden and assorted other misc gardens surrounded by stone or fencing. 
 I have, over the years, spend a fair sum of money on seeds, plants, bushes trees, 
herbs in gardens in two states and multiple locations.  
Not all of the plants I have bought and dragged home have survived 
while others have thrived. 
 I have spend much of my life on my knees 
feeding, weeding, dead heading and thinning said plants. 
Great meditation.

Somewhere in the past years, ( I know the when,
 it was when my neighbor planted seeds wildflower seeds along here  her drive in and bordering our land. 
there were wild flowers in abundance amidst the grasses 
and weeds and raspberries. 
 They were and are magnificent 
and she doesn't do anything with them, but enjoy as do I.  

But beyond her store bought wild seeds, our fields are full
 of wildflowers and grasses that thrive 
and that thrill my soul.  

They may be considered weeds or they may just be what nature feels fit here.  

My gardens fit a need. That need seems smaller of late. 
I love seeing gardens and plants, but I feel less need to bring them home with me.

I have bushes and flowers that would never grow here naturally.
They will never spread to the fields,
but they are knockout lovely in season. I enjoy them.

The question is how much do I need to change the nature of place
when nature is already generously giving me so much.

I garden and I don't.  I have stepped back, 
not spent as much, not been on my knees as much
and I am enjoying gardening so much more.

It is God's garden that is my main garden now.
It is far more than I could conceive.
There is something far more magical in the wild
than in the contrived planned and planted by me garden.