December 1, 2013

on the older generation

Family come together at holidays 
and usually it is the older family member 
who gather the younger ones together. 
It is what happened in my family.

 A friend my age was enjoying thanksgiving with two sets of aunts and uncles.
I was jealous. 
I have  not been able to do that in more than 20 years 

 I have not had an aunt or uncle alive since 1986   
My grandmother, the only grandparent I knew 
 died the same year my mother died, 1965.  
My father died in 1985.  

This makes me extremely sad 

I feel a emptiness at the lost of all 
my grandparents,
my parents,  my aunts and uncles 
so early in my life.
These relatives were my roots
the people that held the family together
the people that I went to for advice
the people that made me who I am.
My parents and their siblings were older when I was born,
my mom was 29 when I was born.
She was 49 when she died.  I was 19 then.

My father was 43 when I was born.  He was 82 when he died. I was 41.
gone too early.

I am 69 now so for many many years
there has been this void
a lack of older family to turn to, to share a meal
and memories and traditions.
Our generation is not the same without them.

It is why I find holidays not as rich as I would like them.