L I F E 2026 August

 For a long spell I was anxious, scared, depressed 

about this caretaking job

I have had to take on.

Realizing that allowing this was going to kill me

if I continued,

I decided to work

on not being anxious, depressed and scared.

It seems to be working overall

It doesn't mean I don't burst into tears now and again

or have a tight stomach

it means

I do it less

AND 

I breath

It is thes BEST

Breathing calms me.

I have started to do the things I enjoy

walking, gardening.

Still hesitant to entertain

as it is so hard for Tim to hear

and I don't want him to feel neglected.

Wish we had a dog.  Dogs have always been my friends.

God knows I could use a friend

Furry one would be the one of choice

but Tim and cat 

are definitely

causing me to pause.

So the journey continues but the hill right now doesn't feel as steep.

Thank you universe and me.  You gotta do so work to make it through

any day let alone the challenging ones.

well life continues downhill

 9 months since I posted and life goes on.  We have have diagnosis two actually that confirm what I knew donkey ages ago.  We have been slowly regressing which is what this is all about.  Slowly but surely Tim is less Tim.  I am losing him.  Hard to watch.  Right now not so bad.  We will see how this goes. Caregiving was sort of my thing as in the usual fix meals, do laundry as opposed to the be in charge of most everything.  Like living alone EXCEPT that you have another person who is not a total participant.  Helpful and not.   I have minimal support as I have a severe lack of friends and mini family at a distance and all old.  Things I can and cannot control.  I am getting lessons almost daily.  We have been accepted into a Medicare program that is underwhelming me.  New and not so helpful as I had hoped.  Next week a home visit and we shall form a better judgment after that.  Saving me are online reading, books, and a sense of humor.  Laughter .... it can be funny.  Heatbreaking and sad....  talk about a roller coaster of emotions hourly daily.